Nonviolent Communication (NVC), also known as Compassionate Communication, is a communication process that focuses on three areas: self-empathy, empathy for others, and honest, compassionate self-expression. NVC is based on the belief that all human actions are attempts to meet universal human needs and that conflict arises when these needs are expressed through coercive, critical, or judgmental language. The goal is to connect authentically and resolve differences peacefully by focusing on shared humanity.

Who Created NVC?

Nonviolent Communication was created by American psychologist Dr. Marshall B. Rosenberg in the 1960s. Dr. Rosenberg developed NVC from his work mediating conflicts in various settings, including schools, prisons, and war-torn regions. He synthesized elements of Carl Rogers' person-centered approach with his own focus on language, needs, and conflict resolution, founding The Center for Nonviolent Communication (CNVC) to disseminate the practice worldwide (Rosenberg, 2015).

Perspectives in NVC

The Practitioner's Perspective

The NVC practitioner (often a mediator, coach, or therapist) adopts a needs-based, non-judgmental, and deeply empathetic perspective. They believe that behind every criticism or angry outburst is a valuable, unmet need.

The practitioner's role is to act as a translator and model of the NVC process, prioritizing:

• Identifying Needs: Shifting the focus from what's "wrong" with a person to what needs are alive and unmet in a given situation (e.g., security, understanding, autonomy).

• Empathy: Maintaining a persistent state of deep empathy, translating the client's (or parties') judgmental language into feelings and needs to facilitate connection.

• Non-Coercion: Believing that solutions should emerge collaboratively and compassionately, never through guilt, shame, or force.

The Client's Perspective

The client shifts from feeling frustrated, angry, or trapped by the judgments and demands of others (or themselves) to seeing conflict as an opportunity to connect and clarify needs.

The client learns to:

• Distinguish Observations from Evaluations: Separate concrete, observable facts from their judgmental interpretations.

• Own Feelings: Understand that their feelings arise from their own needs, not from the actions of others ("I feel sad because my need for understanding is unmet," vs. "You made me sad").

• Make Clear Requests: Move away from vague demands or blaming to making clear, achievable requests that enrich their life.

What to Expect in an NVC Session

NVC sessions, whether with an individual or a couple/group, are structured around the four core components of the NVC model.

1. Observation (O): The client is guided to state the specific, concrete behavior or situation without mixing in evaluation or blame.

2. Feeling (F): The client identifies the raw emotion they felt in response to the observation (e.g., afraid, sad, joyful), avoiding "fake feelings" like "I feel attacked."

3. Need (N): The client connects the feeling to the universal human need that was met or unmet (e.g., safety, respect, rest).

4. Request (R): The client formulates a clear, positive, and doable request for action that might meet the identified need.

In sessions, the practitioner uses frequent empathy guesses to model the process (e.g., "Are you feeling frustrated because your need for consideration wasn't met?"). The focus is heavily on translating "jackal language"(judgmental, blaming communication) into "giraffe language" (compassionate communication focused on feelings and needs).

How NVC Can Help a Person

NVC is a powerful life practice that significantly improves communication and emotional intelligence.

• Reduces Interpersonal Conflict: By teaching partners/parties to focus on underlying needs instead of surface strategies or demands, it moves conversations from defensive fighting to mutual problem-solving.

• Enhances Self-Empathy: It provides a tool for self-compassion, helping the individual address their own negative self-talk by identifying the unmet need behind their inner critic.

• Improves Emotional Literacy: It gives clients a precise language for expressing their internal experience (feelings and needs), leading to deeper self-awareness and clearer communication of their authentic selves.

• Resolves Long-Standing Disputes: It is frequently used for mediation, helping deeply alienated parties reconnect through the recognition of shared fundamental human needs.

Common Uses and Applications (DSM-5 Disorders and Life Problems)

NVC is a communication methodology often used as a psychoeducational tool alongside other therapies, particularly for relational distress.

• Marital and Family Conflict: Highly effective for couples and families dealing with high-intensity conflict, teaching them how to communicate boundaries and needs compassionately.

• Anger Management: Helping individuals identify the unmet need fueling their anger and express it constructively rather than aggressively.

• Life Problems: Workplace conflicts, improving parenting communication, conflict resolution in schools, and addressing internal shame and guilt fueled by self-judgment.

• Adjunct to Trauma Recovery: By providing safe tools for self-empathy, it can help clients process trauma without self-blame, validating their needs for safety and care.

References

Rosenberg, M. B. (2015). Nonviolent communication: A language of life (3rd ed.). PuddleDancer Press.

Rosenberg, M. B. (2003). Life-changing communication skills. PuddleDancer Press.

Ready to Transform Conflict into Connection?

If you are tired of miscommunication and conflict and ready to learn a powerful language for self-expression and empathy, NVC offers a clear path to understanding.

Book with a therapist that weaves Nonviolent Communication into the therapeutic process.